Clueless Git: Hold Your Cock High, Space Marine

Clueless Git: Hold Your Cock High, Space Marine

http://planetquake.gamespy.com/View4eb4.html?view=POTD.Detail&id=114

If you’ve never heard of Quake2 you have to be some sort of cave dweller, a visitor from a distant galaxy or possibly just a passing high court judge.

Anyhose, the gist of the game is simple. Players armed to the teeth with an awesome arsenal of weapons kill each other to gain points. Pixelised ‘gibs’ (giblets) adorn the walls and once dead you respawn to re enter the fray afresh, it’s every man for himself !

Played within 3-dimensional mazes awesome skills are required to maximise the body count of the unwashed and unwary BUT where’s the heroism, where’s the valour?

This is murder and maiming with neither mercy nor even the hint of a reasonably good cause to be upheld.

Is this the sort of world we want to live in I ask ? What happened to the fine human principles of protect the innocent and defenceless. Where are the knights on white horses and where the damsels in distress ?

So, enter Catch The Chicken, a modification to the game for those of us with an inherent sense of righteousness and enhanced protective instincts towards the oppressed and innocent.

Admittedly still lacking any actually genuinely distressed damsels or any knights and horses for that matter, CTC does however feature the heroine ‘Henrietta the Hen’, an inoffensively childlike cartoon style chicken.

Now the weapons still exist, but can we kill each other – no we cannot ! Can we score points – not at the expense of the innocent we can’t. So what’s to do then ?

Unfortunately, not everyone’s intentions towards poor Henrietta are entirely honourable there are those who would have her all to their wicked selves. Anyone gaining possession of the the prized poultry should always be assumed as malevolent in intent and therefore be terminated with extreme prejudice.

Holder of the Hen has a few minor problemettes to contend with as well. Firstly, he can now be killed by all and sundry – which is bad.

Secondly, he loses all his weapons – which is also bad.

Thirdly, Henrietta is vocal and clucks and squawks like a good’un, she glows like the Blackpool illuminations making it hard to hide with her. If that wasn’t enough she sheds enough feathers to supply duvet filling to the entire population of China leaving a trail for others to follow. This is VERY bad.

Holding the hen has a major benefit though:-

THAT’S HOW YOU SCORE POINTS IN THIS GAME !

Thus the scene is set, gain possession of the hen and run like hell ! Dodge those rockets, duck those railguns, run up the stairwells, jump down the lift shafts. Fly like the wind, torment your pursuers with chicken outstretched and proudly displayed to the world.

Death unto those who covet thy fowl and under under no circumstances should you allow another player to “choke your chicken” for you.

Ahem, so now you know what I do with my spare time.

Go see the Who Clucked? Clan Website (please sign the guest book) or use the links opposite to see my own personal chick-bits.

https://web.archive.org/web/20010317054413/http://cluelessgit.tripod.com:80/q2homepage.htm

Sluggo’s Mod Review: Catch the Chicken

https://www.quakewiki.net/archives/modcentral/reviews/chickenrev.htm

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