Sujoy’s Quake Pages: Bob Dole to announce his own Quake Clan

BOONSVILLE, KANSAS – In a last ditch effort, Republican candidate for president (probably just former candidate by the time you read this) announced the formation of his own Quake Clan, the Dole Pinnapples.

“Bob Dole likes Quake…kickass….ehhhh..” Bob Dole announced at a press conference early this morning. “Bob Dole start own Quake Clan… Bob Dole not be Low Piss Bastard either…. yes, Bob Dole will use Bob Dole’s bladder too the fullest extent… ehhhh” At this point Mr. Dole was interupted by a reporter. When asked if perhaps he meant Low PING Bastard, Mr. Dole looked nervously at his aids and replied: “Bob Dolleeeeeeeeeeeeeee…..” and fell off the platform, hitting his head.

Mr. Dole’s assistant, Jeffery Bolgonga, then took the podium to further explain: “Mr. Dole has always been a great Doom fan because…well that’s just they way he is. He’s cool, he’s with “it”. He also enjoys heavy metal and alternative music.” When asked if this was last ditch effort to win more votes, Bolgonga replied: “Well, just because there are millions of Quake players and just because we are going to throw a… bitchin’… Quake Lawn party if Mr. Dole is elected…”

At this point Mr. Dole recovered and screamed “PREPARE TO RIDE BOB DOLE’S PINEAPPLE!”, apparently this is a reference to one of Quake’s ‘Death Messages’. Unfortunatly, this was taken the wrong way by a female reporter who is now pressing charges.