Quake Clan: WeedKillers

Quake Clan: WeedKillers

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The Weedkillers Philosophy

“Even the universe itself is curved, my friend.
If you run fast enough and far enough,
you end up right where you began.”

For those of you who remember, and that’s probably very few, even we find recollection particularly hazy, you may know all this. If you do, give yourself a pat on the back for paying attention and read it anyway!

We first came together as the Weedkillers in the winter of 1996. After played Quake a few times courtesy of our University’s internet access, we decided to get a clan together with one or two like minded individuals.

Incidentally, Kostas drew great pleasure from informing us that ‘clan’ is in fact Greek for fart. Later, however, he withdrew this comment, claiming that ‘clan’ merely sounds a bit like the Greek for fart. Still never mind eh?

The attraction of the Weedkillers was fairly obvious, we wanted to be good enough to have fun playing against others, but on the other hand we wanted to stay away from the extreme competitiveness of some of our rival clans.

Not everyone saw eye to eye on this point and, at times, we did have to loose some members, either as a result of being over ambitious, too unreliable, or just a plain ol’ grumpy bastard. Still I suppose they just couldn’t handle the fun, eh Trez? Baa!

Obviously we never took Quake too seriously, it was only a game!

This philosophy, however, never went down too well with the administration of the UK Quake League, which probably goes a long way towards explaining our eventual ejection from the league. As you may have gathered we no longer play an active part in the internet Quake scene, but wherever there’s a bunch of people up for a laugh and good times the WK vibe lives on!

The remaining few WK Troopers are, in their small amount of spare time, collecting a few odds and sods which will sum up the whole WK experience. Expect to see music and film recommendations, recipies, photographs, IRC transcripts and other ephemera, all coming soon to a terminal near you!

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The Hashishin Effect

Originally noticed in the Holy Land by those fighting the Crusaders. It was found that getting blasted out of your head on finest hashish, shortly before plunging into battle often enhanced the killer instinct. Of course there was allways the danger of sitting in the middle of a bloody battlefield tripping your balls off, but that was probably part of the fun!

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Around October ’96, I bought myself a long deserved PC. It was a P166 with 16 MB EDO RAM, a 2MB Graphics Accelerator, 17″ monitor, 2.5 GB Hard Drive blah blah blah. Basicaly, I had a ninja PC, and it cost me a fucking fortune, I shant go into how much it cost, I cringe when I think about it now.

I used to have a PC, and I was a die hard Doom fan, I got the shareware version as soon as it was available. Soon after, Doom II, then ultimate Doom. This introduced me to first person perspective shoot ’em ups. I loved Doom, so when Quake was released, I went spastic over it. But single player Quake was rather limited, although it had superior graphics and sound over its predecessor, Doom remained an altogether more original game. But, Quake had one thing that Doom had’nt. Built in internet play.

So I installed Quake on my new PC, and logged on to a server that was hosting Quake, and I was introduced to a whole new gaming experience. It made such a big change from normal, boring single player Quake and Doom that I ended up having three ISP’s. This was costing me a fortune!!

Eventually, I started to talk regularly with a few players, amongst whom were the likes of Bongzilla and Hashishin. We would meet regularly during the late nights and started playing as a trio. Eventually, Hash, Bong and I decided to get a clan together, to compete within the new UKCL. As most of the time, Hash and Bong were completely boxed out of their brains on smoke, WEEDKILLERS sounded like a humourous title to adopt. And so, WeedKillers were born.
We still compete within the UKCL and for a while we also participated within the MCW ,but withdrew soon after, due to lack of time for organisation, and a lack of modem players who could play twice a week. We practice twice a week on a predetermined server, depending on what map we are to play on. Servers we regularly play on include the following:


  • Crystal Duel Servers
  • Orange Multipayer (patched)


  • 3 SECSI also like to play on normal quake servers time to time, as they give me a little light relief from the Gung Ho style chaotic play of Quake World.
  • Flagzone Stockholm
  • Zeta
  • Chaos
  • Demon Servers, UK and Stokholm

Apart from these, we are mainly on servers as listed on the MINOS Master Server.
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Future members for entry to WEEDKILLERS must possess the following attributes:

A damn good sense of humour

A most important issue for WeedKillers. Our Clan is not in the league with the intention of winning the league. It would though, of course, be a bonus if we did. However, we participate within the UKCL because it can be such a good laugh. Apart from being able to play regular matches where and when required, the good thing is being a member of a “team”. You know that whatever time/day you logg on, there is always a teammate online. We develop a small community within the simple structure of the game, and with a good sense of humour, everyone gets along just that little bit better.

A VERY good understanding of drugs and its related topics.

As shown by our clan name, we like to live life a little lighter. Dont mis-understand, we aren’t all boxed out of our tree 24/7. In fact, some of us get along with just plain old tobacco. But at the end of the day, we are all very broad minded and accept drugs as a somewhat more unpredictable alternative to alcohol.
(By stating these points, I by no means condone or condemn the use of drugs for the purpose of entertainment.)

A good understanding of pr0n.

A fundamental point of all WeedKillers, all members must have at least majored on pr0n. Past experience will be questioned and proof will be required. Trainee pr0n programmers are welcome, free advice is always given by our experienced members.

And finally, an abilitly not to take things too seriously.

As stated earlier, us WeedKillers dont take things too seriously, it’s just a game after all, and if we loose, there’s always tommorow. Just enjoy the game while you can, dammit!

We welcome the following people to WeedKillers:


Back in the days of normal quake, there was joy as everyone was enlightened to the greatest multiplayer game in the history of the universe. Many friends were made, as were enemies. Amongst these allies, there were a trio called nEm, RATT-MAN and TITAN. These were all cool guys. But one day, a rotten bastard came from the cold west and took all my friends away. This evil personified was called Q-Spy. It nearly ruined me, I spent many a lonely night, searching for players on the normal quake servers, but to no avail. Time to time, I would hear news from my friends from the other side, telling me how good and easy Q-Spy was. But one day, I stumbled across some old friends. So, until the day I reasoned and brought peace to Q-Spy, I played with these guys practically all the time.


Another one from the normal days of Quake, Subadar has been a member of WeedKillers on and off ever since its start. After a brief spell with UC(Upset Chaps) Subadar is here hopefully to stay now. Ideal for the clan because, again, Subadar is nocturnal, like the rest of us.


An ex member of the now dismembered Frag Kings(FK), Aragorn brings with him the reputation from one of the best clans in the UK, if not the world. Welcome to the loon brigade Aragorn.


I met JSB while playing on the Black Tower CTF server, which happens to be a very nice CTF server. Consistently ranking high upon the rankings, Italian JSB will now have to show us how good he is on regular Quake. Splendid chap.
If u are interested in joining the looniest clan on the planet, send me an e-mail


Fortunately (or unfortunately, even), none of us at WK have had the pleasure of firing someone. So, I guess u can say that we are too laid back to even bother……
However, as in every institution, foundation and organisation, there are always retirements and we as WK are always sad to see the backs of some go….
Guys, we bid you farewell….*sniff*


You will be missed from WK Shilly babes, your fun sense of humour was just apt for the clan. But, I’m sure, we shall meet frequently on QW, I just hope that you will don the cape time to time also. I still dont know why you wanna quit, well, I do, but I dont think its the truth, but, who am I to argue? Have fun.

DimeBag Darrell

DimeBag should have got a better paid job, or something, so he could afford to play a little bit more. Alas, his finances did not permit. So, farewell ol’ pal.


Deserted us to form and join CS (Clan Spice).


Friday 11th July 1997
News has broken regarding our entrance in to the Team Fortress league. Loon is currently organising this and is preparing a site dedicated to the TF side of our clan. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to play, I get an insufficient memory message, saying I should type -heapsize 16000. I have 32 Mb memory, so something is wrong. I just hope that I can fix it before the season starts, so I can play some TF.(If anybody has suggestions regarding my memory problem, please mail me here)

It also looks like either Team Fortress or Capture the Flag is the future for internet Quake, just looking on Qspy proves this as most of the servers on Qspy are either TF or CTF, maybe people are getting bored of DM.
Tuesday 8th July 1997
After seeing how the PC’s at Shoot’n’Surf ran with the GL enhanced 3D cards, I decided to buy one today, a Righteous 3D Card, and wow, what a difference. Not just to quake too, other games have drammatically benefited from the upgrade, I recommend the upgrade to anyone with the money.
Saturday 5th July 1997
Big news this week is the clan meet, which took place in London, as it did last year. Only five of us went this time, myself, Bong, Hash, Cabbage and Loon. Although they turned up earlier in the day, I actually didnt show till 8.00pm, and went to our meeting point at Leicester Square. We stood next to each other for a few minutes before we realised who we were! We had never met previously so it was kinda like a blind date. We went to an arcade, played a few games then went to the internet café where the rest of the clans were meeting (Shoot’n’Surf). As ritually as ever, WeedKillers turned up late, about 4hrs late, we weren’t going to go, but we wanted to see the other geeks and dweebs. : )

Everybody was busy playing networked Quake on their GL enhanced Pentiums, cursing and shouting and basicaly showing everyone how arogant they get when they play quake. What I didn’t know was the planned awards cerimony. It was just a handout o certificates saying who was the best at what and so on. We cursed at the awards, they were totally fixed and it was so obvious that it was just a big brown nosing party. Sujoy received about 6 awards and Ettu recieving about half as much. Generally, it was wrong calling it the UKCL Clan Meet, it should have been called something like the QL and DC Worshiping Meeting. Unfortunatley, of all the 20 or so awards, 15 of them went to QL and DC. Of the awards handed out, here are those I can remember:

  • Best Player : DC Sujoy
  • Best LPB : DC Sujoy
  • Best Skin : DC Sujoy
  • Best (YAWN) : DC Sujoy
  • Best (sigh) : DC Sujoy
  • Slippers for Sir?: DC Sujoy
  • Best Clan :QL
  • Best Server :3 Secs
  • Worst Clan : The Desperados
  • Most Hated Clan : The Desperados
  • Blah Blah Blah Blah
  • Blag Blag Blag Blag

Well, you may be thinking “Sour Grapes!”. Well, you might be right, but come on, this isnt very sporting is it? In order to keep interest in the league right up, perhaps an award for every clan for something or other, did we really have to stuff Sujoys gob with so many awards that he will be shitting paper for the next 3 months?

Do not misunderstand me, I heartily congratulate Sujoy for getting as many awards as he did. He deserved it and I dont begrudge him for a second, but a little more thought on behalf of the organizers would have made an otherwise fantastic night even more memorable. A lot of effort goes into the UKCL on behalf of those who play, each and every clan must organise and prepare for the matches and make sure he has sufficient players as well as maintaining a web site amongst a thousand other things, so every other clan would have been deserving of an award.

We left the cerimony with complete and utter disgust with hate and rage whilst our eyes turned a murky blood red colour (just kidding), made our way to the pub and had a couple there before we departed to Loons house. Via a McDonalds of course, where we narrowly missed getting into a fight with a bunch of DICK HEADS!! (YAH DISSING MA CAH MAAAN???) God damned moron.

I had a fantastic night and it was a barrel of laughs, I truly enjoyed it and would like to do it again in the very nar future.



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