Mr. Grapple Rants: Screw You HPB!

Mr. Grapple Rants: Screw You HPB!

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Screw you HPB! [ Updated 2/11/99 6:00 PM ]
I decided to pop in on one of my favorite servers last night and get in some “real satisfaction.” While wallowing in my PEH (post-ejaculation hatred, for you kiddies) and murmuring curses as I bound the necessary XYZCTF 3.14a.01 release candidate 14 keys, I happened to view a compelling dialogue. It went something like this (names changed to protect the poor, ridiculous loser):

A ate B's rocket 
A: no skill LPB 
A does a backflip into the lava 
B: whatever 
A rides B's rail 
A: pussy cant even rail without his low ping 
A rides B's rail 
A tripped on his own grenade 
B: heheh 
A: fuck you LPB 
B: :) 
num score ping	name		lastmsg	address		port
0      -4  209  A		1442 27901
1      13   82  B		1441 27901 
2       0  189  Player		  -1 27901

A: you fuckin LPS make me sick 
B: so why you playin here then? 
A: cause youre a faggot 
B: whatever 
A rides B's rail
A squished himself
A saw the light
A eats B's shrapnel
A: pussy LPB
B: your killing yourself more than I am
A: pussy
A drowned
A tried to invade B's space
A: fuckin LPB faggot
B: whatever
B disconnected
A: where'd everyone go?
A tripped on his own grenade
A: Hello?
A: Where is everyone?

So you see how silly this is? This is actual footage folks! He pisses and moans until everyone leaves (he’d been doing this for some time) and then wonders where they all went. WTF!? Wake up and fucking swallow the cyanide pal!
People seem to think that a low ping makes up for any lack of skill. We’ve all heard the taunts and seen people leave servers in a huff over it. While it’s true that a low ping can help, it ain’t gonna turn my three year old sister into Thresh. It still takes some skill to aim the weapon, avoid others, strafe jump, rocket jump, time shots, lead your shots, etc. I don’t care HOW FRIGGIN low your ping is it STILL takes skill to nail someone in mid-air! I’ve seen HPBs do it and I’ve seen LPBs do it. Both have to contend with timing the shot based on their own “game rate.” Skilled either way.
I also think that packet loss/lag has a more dramatic effect on an LPB than on an HPB. Imagine being used to playing with a smooth and steady 50-100 ping and then getting bombarded with packet loss. The HPB probably doesn’t even notice, but the LPB… forget it. No more timing your shots pal. Back to the RL and quad to get the spread damage. And still they whine…
Now I’m not saying that all HPBs whine… on the contrary. I’ve seen some on Kannibas who are top notch. Similarly I’ve seen some who are just so full of shit. (editors note: The above dialogue isn’t from Kanni) Why can’t these people just enjoy the game? If they can’t hang or don’t want to play LPB’s, then go find a server specializing in them. I’m sure there are a few on AOL that’ll be just right! Or we could all just stop playing and let the whiners have a chance. Okay.. that’s the plan. When they whine, we all just stop and let them win. Just stand there. Then we can all type LAGGGGG at the console. All at once. Every time the whiner kills someone.
There you have it. My plan. So next time you see me standing there with the RL and getting pounded by the HPB, just remember to join me in my chorus of LAGGGGG. In fact, we could all bind a key to say it. Yeah! That’s it! We could use the same key they use for “LPB pussy.”

Screw you whiner!
Mr. Grapple

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