Mr. Grapple Rants: Pain of Others

Do that again! [ Updated 2/1/99 4:00 PM ]
Have you ever run into someone that instantly gets on your nerves? I happen to be lucky enough to work with such an individual.
It all started innocently enough about two months ago. A new sales “dweeb” is joining the company. The existing sales staff isn’t selling enough vinyl-covered kneepads, so the obvious answer is to add sales people. Nevermind the fact that this industry is at a slow period and this has been an annual problem for the last 5 years. It’s the friggin holidays! Nobody is buying office supplies!
So the day arrives when the new dweeb is supposed to start. Based on the name, we’re expecting a “normal” guy who is similar in interests, age and disposition. What we got was an old, large, smelly, obnixious big-mouth. The typical used-car salesman. Yahoo! This’ll help out business!
During the introductions we all exchange pleasantries. Easy enough. Now let me get back to work. However, rather than allowing everyone to disperse, he proceeds to try to impress everyone with his “industry knowledge.” Allegedly he’s been quite the mover and shaker at his previous employer. Not to mention the fact that he’s been the president, CEO, owner, etc. of many companies. Sure. That’s why you’re here collecting a meager salespersons base salary. That’s what all former presidents and CEO’s do, isn’t it?
So not only does he know everything about how to sell these products, but he knows more about making them and designing them than do the engineers themselves! WOW! Turns out he’s taking classes at night! That certainly qualifies him in my book. I’ve only been doingthis work for 15 years. Couldn’t be nearly as qualified as him since he’s taking classes at the junior college.
So now he’s thinking he’s “one of the guys.” Comes into the lab all the time. What does he do in there you ask? Nothing! Wastes our time, farts and then leaves. Thanks dude. Now take your stinky air with you! (note to self: time to invest in whatever company makes the air freshener we use).
Now I’m not one who is mean spirited (fuck you… I’m NOT!) or dislikes people, but this guy just hasn’t figured it out. For starters the only thing he’s sold so far has been a fiasco. Undepriced the product and promised more than we could deliver. I told you he was the typical used-car salesman. Add to that the fact that anytime you try to explain the nuances of wrapping the pads with the vinyl and how delicate an operation it is (if not done properly imagine the liability if someone were to slip while kneeling and plunging their nose up the bosses rear), he has to tell you how he did it in his class and then he tails off into another subject that provides him air time for bragging. HELLO! I don’t CARE about how you installed 4000 CFM vacuum to your Yugo so that it sucks faster than any other imported Russian car!
I’ve said before that I am a “people person.” While you may have a hard time believing that (and probably that the earth is round too), I can assure you that this ranting is only for therapy (doctors orders). Unfortunately I just can’t seem to find any redeeming qualities in this guy – except for the fact that he does LEAVE the office. The only bright spot just happened moments ago. I was watching him bouncing into the office this afternoon and while he was wiping lunch stains from the front of his fat stomach, he managed to trip on the curb, stumble into the FedEx truck, break his glasses and spring a bloody nose! Ah yes.. good things DO come to those who wait. I am once again at peace.
Centered in knowingess and good
Mr. Grapple