Mr. Grapple Rant: Packing Peanuts

What’s up with this? [ Updated 1/26/99 1:00 PM ]
So BongStalk decides he wants to “spruce up” his lame ass web site. No problem I think. It sure as hell can’t hurt. But then he’s asking me to provide input. “Screw you” I say to him. Like I don’t have enough to do already. Do you have any idea how much effort it takes to hone these skills of mine. Not to mention the fact that I have a job, a NUMBER of girlfriends who ALWAYS want my time, a busy social calendar and numerous other demands. I mean who the hell does he think he is? Sure we’re friends, but this isn’t even a paying gig.
My psychiatrist said this may be theraputic, so I’m giving it a whirl. Maybe I should have asked my bar tender for a second opinion.
So on to my first rant:

What’s the deal with those fucking “packing peanuts?”
Being the computer geek you apparently are, I’m sure you’ve purchased something on-line recently and found the same thing I did.
Last week my new (insert stupid, useless, upgrade item here) arrived in the mail. For starters I had to take the bus (don’t ask) to the FedEx office to pick it up. (HELLO! Don’t they realize few people are home during the day to sign for these things?) So I get there as they’re about to lock the doors (of course the bus was running late), but manage to convince them I’m not there to rob them. I collect my goods and head for home.
For starters, the box if friggin huge. Why? probably so they can charge me more for shipping. So now I open this box. Where’s the goods? I can’t find shit! “Why” you ask? Because it’s burried in four million friggin packing peanuts! It’s a friggin video card! Tape it to a piece of cardboard and drop it in the damn mail you freaks!
So now I’ve got these “peanuts” all over everything. Of course they’re full of static (good for the card I’m sure) and sticking to me, the dog, the girlfriends panties from the night before (oh yeah!), the walls, the coffee table, my head… basically anything BUT the cardboard box.
Now I don’t wanna sound negative, but is this necessary? Worse yet, these aren’t even the kind that disolve in water. So now my trash can is overflowing with this crap too. On Tuesday the garbage man comes. You guessed it. All down the street… packing peanuts.
Why can’t they EVER seem to get the trash IN THE TRUCK?! These new trucks – made for the lazy friggin trash man – are automated. Nice, huh? Half the time the trash is stuck in the can…. oh well… maybe that’s another rant.
I need to go find a puppy to kick. Later.
Angry as ever,
Mr. Grapple