Kannibas.com: The Kannibas Hook Whores, Hookers, and Hookees

Kannibas Hookers

Ever find yourself in the heat of a great battle, nobly duking it out with Super Shotguns, wearing each other down to minimal health only to be disemboweled by some Hook Whore? Me too, and it pisses me off! Of course, when I do it it’s only because I’ve run out of weapons so it’s okay.

Say “Hello” to Greta and Daisy…. your Kannibas Hookers.

In honor of these gutless individuals (just kidding… you know I love ya), we’ve created the Hookers Anonymous section. Here we celebrate the skills necessary to earn the top honors each month. But it’s not only the Hookers who are celebrated… nope… who can forget the “Hookees.” Those who can’t seem to get out of the way of the deadly hook. It takes two to tango as they say (who the hell are “they” anyway?).
In the next day or so I’ll post all of the past winners here. We’ll include some interesting statistics about the winners, a picture or two and even some quotes from Greta and Daisy. Afterall, who could resist a few words from the Hookers?

Kannibas Hookers

Month	Player	Score
November	Plutar[RiP]	58 kills, 2.61%
November	RadBrad	8 kills, 6.06%
December	Riccochet	110 kills, 4.44%
January	M1	164 kills!
February	Black Widow	242 kills! 7.31%
February	Karma	17 kills, 7.49%
March	A school girl	144 kills 1.36%
March	Black Widow	77 kills, 7.56%
April	Lucifer	122 kills 4.67%
April	Knight	13 kills, 11.93%
May	Lucifer	74 kills 2.77%
May	knucklehead13	11 kills, 4.35%
June	Pakse	39 kills 4.32%
June	gayness	10 kills, 24.39%
July	Lucifer{HADES}	26 kills 2.02%
July	urKARMA	3 kills, 4.62%
August	BongStalk (uh oh!)	8 kills .96%
August	green	1 kills, 6.67%
September	fkya	15 kills 1.26%
September	Evilways	2 kills, 22.22%
October	fkya	19 kills 1.06%
October	Earnest	5 kills, 5.32%

When contacted about his 58 hook kills in November, Plutar was quick to point out that this is only a means of knocking off VeropaTroy’s head with a rail slug.
“You see…” says Plutar, “it’s an art form. You reel ’em in with the hook and then pop them with a rail gun to the head.” In honor of Plutar I am considering lowering the rail damage to zero.Riccochet, the top hooker of December, was rather quiet on the subject. Some claim that the stats are a bit skewed as a full 25% of her hook kills were suicides!Having set what appears to be an all-time record in January, M1 has caused numerous debates over the hook damage. Some have gone so far as to request negative hook damage. Mod authors are being contacted.Wow.. 242 hook kills for Black Widow. I tried to get a comment, but everytime I got near enough to ask, I was hooked to death. BW sure has a similar play style to that of Riccochet – funny how Riccochet has disappeared too. Could there have been a “hook-off?”Is it a suprise to anyone who plays here regularly to see A school girl at the top of the hook kills? Afterall, she has pretty much taken every high score this month with a few exceptions (like skill and rail.. heheh).
I’m also amused at how the female characters seem to be dominating in this category. Could it be coincidence? I think not.
Black Widow has shown up again and has managed to set a new record for hook kill percentage. Isn’t it great to see that practice truly does pay off?Lucifer was a little peaved at being mentioned here. He simply said “lleH ni ttor lliw ouY. reficuL lufrewop lla ythgim lla eth ma I.”
A newcomer to the records, Knight started off strong with a whopping 11.93% of his kills coming from the grappling hook.Wrapping up his second title in a row, Lucifer simply said “I pity the poor soul who was the victim of my hook. Let’s go see who took it the most.”

Kannibas “Hookees”

Month	Player	Score
November	VeropaTroy[RiP]	12 deaths
December	Riccochet	34 deaths
February	Xanthum	41 deaths
March	A school girl	41 deaths
April	Acid_Burn	19 deaths
May	Lucifer	25 deaths
June	In Pain	7 deaths
July	Hispano	6 deaths
August	Chris	2 deaths
September	Dreadnaught	7 deaths
October	Elvis Man-ST	13 deaths

VeropaTroy was overheard lamenting over his 12 deaths via hook in November. Sources have quoted him as having stated “It’s that SOB Plutar! If it weren’t for the hook he’d never be able to rail. He reels you in with the hook and then knocks your head off with a rail slug.”Riccochet took the news with typical grace by proclaiming “Hey.. I’ll go get a new outfit to celebrate!”Sources have also been quick to point out that Riccochet (having captured both the Hooker and Hookee titles for December) has been spotted hooking herself. Hey..This is a family site! None of that stuff in public Riccochet!Xanthum was pretty humble on the subject of a new hook death record. “Word. Why not dominate in ALL death categories?” Many of us can thank Xanthum for being such a good sport … and such a good target. “Word.” (For those of you who haven’t played Xanthum, this is his trademark comment)In A school girls attempt to dominate in every high score, she managed to snatch hook deaths away from Xanthum as a complement to her title in hook kills.
As a result of the intense hook battles that have been occurring, keep your eyes open for the new Kannibas hook only server. Sure to be a blast.Acid_Burn’s score actually isn’t that bad when you consider the number of hours played here. I think that breaks down to about one hook death for every 3 hours played.Lucifer, having just celebrated his second hook kill title, was a bit stunned by this one. Not since Riccochet have we had the hooker also be the hookee. Lucifer was quoted as saying “Kcuf eht tahw?” just before damning me to eternal hell.