Here are some of my favorites quotes from Quaker friends of mine. Some of them will be funny to everyone. Some of them… well you had to have been there.

Since there is a certain chronology to this page, new additions are usually placed at the end. However, I sometimes add things in the middle. For that reason I have decided to post a 0star.gif (4104 bytes) by new additions.

LQMS.VasqueZ:

“There once was a Quaker named Nita
Who has been accused of being a cheata
So what if she’s lagged
Your booty she’s fragged
It’s only because she is l33ta”

I’ve NEVER cheated. NEVER. Taken a cheesy frag here and there – you know – shot the guy who’s frozen in mid-air, but cheat – NEVER!

Kitten[KL]:

“I’m trying to set up a match with someone who’s obviously depriving a village somewhere of an idiot!”

I’m sure we can all relate to that one.

LQMS.JeZeBeL:

“If it weren’t for caffeine, I’d have no personality whatsoever!”

Obviously she does the “dew”.

PMS-Medusa:

“The way to a man’s heart is through his sternum.”

She puts this on her e-mail.

0star.gif (4104 bytes)Skill Level: “Target with attitude!”

From her Bio on the Quake Women’s Forum.

I could devote a whole page to Medusa’s caustic wit – read on.

I really enjoy reading and posting to Bulletin/Message Boards. One of the best is the Lanwar BBS. It is patronized by a pretty amusing crowd. I have decided to immortalize some of the funnier exchanges. Here’s a classic:

Posted by PMS-Medusa on August 25, 1998 at 13:23:07:

Hey I’m liking the looks of the signups already.
13% Femme and going strong. A shout out to all my
PMS clannies and all other Femme clans out there…COME TO LAN WAR 3. The surge/dew is cold and the fraggin is HOT. I’m married so of course *cough* “I” didn’t notice that the place was full of hot babe-boiz…but one of my single friends told me.
Ladies of Quake come and testify!!
=)

Posted by Solarys on August 25, 1998 at 15:01:47:

In Reply to: Too Much Time on My Hands posted by PMS-Medusa on August 25, 1998 at 13:23:07:

Most of them were a BIT TOO young fur me.. hehe

Posted by CoroNita [WCS] on August 25, 1998 at 18:41:38:

In Reply to: uhm well.. uhh.. posted by Solarys on August 25, 1998 at 15:01:47:

LOL – Give me a break! You have to be what? 22? 23? NOW- they may be too young for ME! Don’t go there! But YOU!!! NO WAY!!!

Posted by Solarys on August 25, 1998 at 21:58:05:

In Reply to: Re: uhm well.. uhh.. posted by CoroNita [WCS] on August 25, 1998 at 18:41:38:

*OK OK , so I LIKE older men (as long as they aren’t in DEPENDS UNDERGARMENTS)!!!

hehe.. Though that sexy B-Nut[WCS], I can make an exception.. rowr…

LOL!!!!

/me rolling on floor, laughing, trying to breathe*

*Note – I have had too much sugar as of now, so please disregard any and all comments made herein.*

Posted by Red Shivan on August 26, 1998 at 00:02:39:

In Reply to: Re: uhm well.. uhh.. hehe posted by Solarys on August 25, 1998 at 21:58:05:

I thought it was just me going crazy, but you gals were trolling the aisles
looking for live meat. It all adds up now ….. :]

Posted by CoroNita[WCS] on August 26, 1998 at 00:07:16:

In Reply to: I knew it! posted by Red Shivan on August 26, 1998 at 00:02:39:

He’s on to us! Damn!

Posted by Cleatus{KAK} on August 26, 1998 at 07:17:27:

In Reply to: Re: I knew it! posted by CoroNita[WCS] on August 26, 1998 at 00:07:16:

I felt so violated at Lan War!! I felt like I was being mentally undressed every time I walked by!!! Cough, wheeze, hehehehehe!!!

Posted by |OS|Scratch on August 26, 1998 at 13:57:23:

In Reply to: Re: I knew it! posted by Cleatus{KAK} on August 26, 1998 at 07:17:27:

Ok at some point I think you crossed the line. I am not exactly sure where or when you crossed it…. but you are scaring me.

Scratch
http://os.cjb.net

Posted by Red Shivan on August 26, 1998 at 21:39:08:

In Reply to: Re: I knew it! posted by |OS|Scratch on August 26, 1998 at 13:57:23:

Cleatus crossed the line many months ago. He hasn’t been the same
since weeks before LanWar I. He still mumbles that he could have taken
Acejas if he was in the tournament…… :}

Here is one of the funniest exchanges I’ve seen on the web. It also comes from the Lanwar BBS.

Posted by |OS|Scratch on August 27, 1998 at 14:19:47:

I have a theory as to why women are not as good at Quake as us men.

Its cuz they spend so much time walking around a level asking for directions!

See us guys just run around and pretend to know where we are going. That way we cover more territory.

Scratch (sitting back and waiting for the flaming to begin)
http://os.cjb.net

p.s. Just a friendly jest ladies. No hard feelings?

Posted by Solarys on August 27, 1998 at 23:03:21:

In Reply to: Why women cant play Quake posted by |OS|Scratch on August 27, 1998 at 14:19:47:

They are too busy playing with their ‘shafts’…

Posted by CoroNita[WCS] on August 27, 1998 at 17:02:39:

In Reply to: Why women cant play Quake posted by |OS|Scratch on August 27, 1998 at 14:19:47:

Simple answer to this one: Women don’t play stupid immature macho bullshit computer games. Except for the rare mutant (of which there were 5 at the last lanwar – myself included) women have better things to do with their time. You need to watch out for these mutants however, they are known to troll the aisles at LAN events looking for meat. It must be abnormal testosterone levels or something.

Posted by LightJedi on August 27, 1998 at 15:37:12:

In Reply to: Why women cant play Quake posted by |OS|Scratch on August 27, 1998 at 14:19:47:

i would agree, but the “psycho female men killers” (pardon spelling) would hunt me out and kill me….so ill keep my mouth shut =]
-Lj

Posted by PMS-Medusa on August 27, 1998 at 16:30:27:

In Reply to: Re: Why women cant play Quake posted by LightJedi on August 27, 1998 at 15:37:12:

GENDER-SPECIFIC FRAG
RESPONSE TRANSLATION FAQ
————————————————————————
August 27, 1998

Subtitle: A Translation of Gender-specific Comments occurring after a Male Quake Player has been Fragged by a Female Quake Player

Beta version 0.1.5
————————————————————————
1. Introduction
1.1 Purpose of this FAQ
The purpose of this document is to provide a translation of the comments made during a game of Quake, by a male player who’s been continuously fragged by a female player.

1.2 Definitions
Comment: For the purpose of this FAQ, the term COMMENT, refers to the negative written commentary, some male Quake players engage in, after experiencing continual frags from a female Quake player. Translation: For the purpose of this FAQ, the term TRANSLATION, refers to the true meaning conveyed by a male Quake player using the comment in question.
————————————————————————
2. Frequently Asked Questions

2.1 What is the translation of the comment: “bitch”?

Translation 1: I’m a really crap player, but think I’m great, and since I’m also sexist, I swear at the women who beat me, in an attempt to increase my ego a few notches.

Translation 2: With all the possible insults in the world available, I will simply go for the most obvious, uncreative, and least thought-process involved insult I can think of for a female player.

2.2 What is the translation of the comment: “You can’t be a girl, you must be gay!”?

Translation: I’m a really crap player, but think I’m great, and since I’m also homophobic, I assume players, with female names, who beat me, are homosexual, in an attempt to increase my questionable masculinity.

2.3 What is the translation of the comment: “You’re pretty good for a girl!”?

Translation: I’ve spent too many years in a male dominated computer gaming world, to the point where I’ve forgotten how talented and skilled women are. Women are the ones with the long hair right?

2.4 What is the translation of the comment: “You play Quake and you’re good! Will you marry me?!”?

Primary translation: I’ve spent too many years in a male dominated computer gaming world, to the point where I’ve forgotten a proposal of marriage isn’t a casual term for hello.

Secondary translation: I’m a 16 year old male with raging hormones.

ANY QUESTIONS? =)

Posted by |OS|Scratch on August 27, 1998 at 16:56:33:

In Reply to: FAQ for |OS|Scratch…*psst Apache will you read it to him?* posted by PMS-Medusa on August 27, 1998 at 16:30:27:

: ANY QUESTIONS? =)

Just one…..

Will you marry me?

Posted by PMS-Medusa on August 27, 1998 at 18:00:01:

In Reply to: Re: FAQ for |OS|Scratch…*psst Apache will you read it to him?* posted by |OS|Scratch on August 27, 1998 at 16:56:33:

: : ANY QUESTIONS? =)

: Just one…..

: Will you marry me?

Dibs on custody of DA CHAIR. *vrvrvrvr*
Or you could save time and just give me ALL your stuff now. = )

The “chair” reference… Scratch won this great $600 chair at lanwar. It has a woofer in the seat! Medusa lusts after it.

Posted by |OS|Apache on August 27, 1998 at 14:43:24:

In Reply to: Why women cant play Quake posted by |OS|Scratch on August 27, 1998 at 14:19:47:

i don’t know him, nor do i play on the same team as him, just FYI…

had to CYA…

Apache

Posted by CoroNita[WCS] on August 27, 1998 at 17:10:04:

In Reply to: Re: Why women cant play Quake posted by |OS|Apache on August 27, 1998 at 14:43:24:

I wouldn’t claim him either. ;)

CoroNita

Posted by Groove I am glad I am not Scratch zilla =) on August 28, 1998 at 23:18:36:

In Reply to: Re: Why women cant play Quake posted by CoroNita[WCS] on August 27, 1998 at 17:10:04:

Usually I would be right there with my brother quakers for a good fight, but, uhm, I think I will watch from the stands on this one. My ass got beat enuff at the tourney, I dont want my to lose my “energy cells” at LanWar3. So, uhm, go ladies!!! (in my biggest kiss ass yell) :P

Notice that “Some guy” has not responded? I wonder if he like got his computer taken away from his mommy or somethin? Or was so embarrassed that he like sold his computer and like became a monk. Or, took my advice and got a hobby like butt-naked sheep shearing? Oh well, good riddance, =) ..

Later,

Da Groove man

|OS|GroK (aka TossSalad|GOON|):

“I was Bo Bo Railing all over the place.”

Grok started the whole “Bo Bo” thing when we went to eat dinner/breakfast after Stompfest. Grok said he was “Bo Bo Railing all over the place!” Meaning that he was so tired/exhausted/drained after playing the Shitkickers that he couldn’t hit anything with the rail gun. We all thought this was a funny term. However, Medusa in her twisted mind has completely bastardized the meaning and context of “Bo Bo” usage. She now uses the term “Bo Bo” to mean anything that has to do with Grok. And what comes to mind when you think of Grok? Well grappling of course. And since he rulez at grappling, “Bo Bo Grappling” is now a compliment!

|OS|Pi (aka Phatty|GOON|):

“I may not be a smart man, but I know how to turn off this light.”

He said this after trying unsuccessfully for what seemed an eternity to turn off a closet light. It should be noted that he used his best Forest Gump accent and that he HAD been playing Quake for 18 hours not stop before encountering said tricky closet light.

Resonance [WCS]:

“Don’t be impressed. It’s just Unreal.”

After winning 1st place in the Stompfest Unreal Tournament.

0star.gif (4104 bytes) “And K goes bweep, bweep.”

From the WCS themesong “We Come Strapped”. In the song the guy talks about a gang having a machinegun – “the K” and it goes “bweep bweep”. Res had Medusa and I in stitches – ok – so this is one of the “you had to have been there”s.

|OS|Apache:

how did we find out that the WCS gals we’re trying to poison us? the taste of the coffee they made early saturday morning just wasn’t right. it had a lime taste to it… it got me thinking…

they tried to blame it on us, but we all know ‘dusa was just trying to knock off her new husband, |OS|Scratch, because she knew he had left her The Chair in his will…

CoroNita was angry because she wasn’t going to be able to “see” Lungbutter again :/ So she tried to take us out just to “teach us a lesson”

Resonance had pipe dreams of owning me in DM, but my blaster power taught him who was on top… (This is an obvious stretch of the truth; however, the rest is 100% factual)

Danate attempted to “borrow” the controller from Grok’s hand a few times, because he’s decided to master the big awkward joysticks :D

Apache posted this on the Lanwar BBS after our Stompfest visit. The “poison” was coffee pot cleaner left in said pot by none other than… you guessed it… Apache.

The “Lungbutter” reference… I told Apache and Scratch that I saw Lung playing on the Nacho’s Server all the time but not them. I also said that I played on Nacho’s alot but not under the name “CoroNita” cuz I was just learning the maps and I sucked. I also jokingly said that I didn’t want Lung to think I was stalking him. Well… that’s all the ammo ruthless bastards like Apache and Scratch need to start a rumor.

Resonance is one of the few people who DOES own Apache in DM.

Danate was envious of Pi & Grok’s mastery of grappling using the MadCatz Joystick.

PMS-Medusa:

“Scratch, bebbeh – I alone can save you.
THE CHAIR is possessed. Get out of THE CHAIR immediately….Haven’t you read all the accounts of alternate/rock/smash/bang induced comatose frenzies or seen the heartbreaking .avi’s of the Pez-Dispensing-Gyrations-Syndrome (PDGS) associated with a case of possession in THE CHAIR??? Run Scratch Run. I will save you…I must perform a few of the more bizarre secret rites/rituals I know to save you..but I am so dedicated to your well being, I will make this sacrifice for you Scratch! Don’t fall for those tales of air resistance and physics changes in 3.19 either :THE CHAIR has been known to create it’s own alternative universe. I’ll be right over to pick up that problem maker and cleanse it for ya, brotha!

Sweet Sista ‘Dusa
Church of Immaculate Deception”

Posted on the OS bulletin board after Scratch had posted that he had had a bad night. Yet another one of Medusa’s feeble attempts to get her hands on “THE CHAIR”.

|OS|Scratch:

BFG is for people who dont know how to bo bo grapple! Only a
person who would use a low tactic like poisoning someones coffee
would use the BFG! This sounds like some kinda WCS no skill
strategy along the same lines of pulling the plug outa the wall
socket to make people think the power went out. Why dont you
BFGers get your pez dispensing gyrating heads back in order and
come over to the RG side! It is your destiny!

This spam has been brought to you by Fred and his fan club, the
Non-Existant Loki’s Minions Capture The Flag Psyco Men Slayers
Squad or NELMCTFPMSSq for short.

p.s. is there someone that i may have missed offending? i
apologize, i am really really drunk.

Scratch posted this in response to one of my pro-BFG rants on my BBS. It’s all tongue in cheek of course.

|OS|Scratch:

Top 10 reasons we are in the Top 10:

10. The X-Files is still in re-runs.

9. Kurgan discovered you could strafe left AND right!

8. LungButter took Scratchs advice and bought a new case.

7. Nicodemous confused our opponents by doing his burnt toast imitation.

6. Ares thought he was playing Madden ’99 and the rockets were footballs.

5. That plan with Hurricane Georges worked out.

4. Fred and the Biatches were great cheerleaders!

3. Lewinsky played as our Quad whore.

2. Apache sent nude photos of self to opponents, and the # 1 reason….

1. <drumroll please> Scratch, Scratch, and Scratch

Scratch posted this on the news page the day after Odin’s Soldiers broke into the top 10 on the OGL LMCTF Open Ladder. :D

[BONG] Blackacid:

: : YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING TOO MUCH QUAKE WHEN…

: : You go swimming with your friends you want to discharge in the water.

: I think I’ve done this before, but back in my pre-teen days. :)

: : You go to work on Saturday morning to use the T1 for Quake, and 10 minutes later it’s Sunday morning.

: I do this nearly everyday… :)

: : You tell your girlfriend to chew on your boomstick.

: I’ve told a few girls this, but I cant seem to get them to take me up on the offer!

: : You follow up said faux pas by telling her to accept your shaft.

: See above…

: : When you login to your Quake server, everyone playing says hi! to you.

: Does “Bot!!!” or “LAME ASS LPB” count? I get both of those alot lately. :(

: : You spend your time off-line running around alone in deathmatch mode for kicks.

: I didn’t know there was such a thing as ‘off-line’ hehehe :)

: : You can’t hear Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ without choreographing a death match scenario.

: Well, mine would be Carmina Burana.
Carmina Burana – excellent choice! BA posted this in response to a post of mine on the Lanwar Bulletin Board. The brown lines were originally from LQMS.Mac’s Quake Page.

Also from the same thread –

Danate[WCS]:

YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING TOO MUCH QUAKE WHEN…

When you see the opening for the X-Files movie where they are standing on the roof, and think what an easy rail to get both in one shot when they lined up….

You own at least 4 articles of clothing with a Quake symbol on them….

You see backpacks at school, and think your in ammo heaven…

You print out great screenshots of memorible games, and frame them….

You export demos to a VCR so that you can record them, and show your friends that dont own l33t A$$ quake machines like yours….

People tap you on the shoulder in the halls and ask if you can teach them better rocket control…

You beg the bank to monogram the quake2 symbol onto your checks…

0star.gif (4104 bytes) Posted by CoroNita[WCS] on October 08, 1998 at 12:49:38:

In Reply to: Re: How can you tell if you’ve been playing too much quake? — Well … ;) posted by Danate[WCS] on October 07, 1998 at 18:49:05:

ROFLMAO

hahaha – I know you’re guilty of this one Danate:

YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING TOO MUCH QUAKE WHEN…

You play the Quake2 CD on your car stereo.

Nita

Posted by Danate[WCS] on October 08, 1998 at 20:39:11:

In Reply to: Re: How can you tell if you’ve been playing too much quake? — Well … ;) posted by CoroNita[WCS] on October 08, 1998 at 12:49:38:

I hoped you wouldnt go there… :)
But the record states that we were in YOUR car.

(Note: I dont have a cd-player in MY car)

-Danate[WCS]

OK – just for the “record” – yeah it was MY car, but it was HIS idea. OK? Got that straight? :)

https://web.archive.org/web/19990221124616/http://www.gibbed.com:80/coronita/favorite.htm