The Unofficial Quake (2) CAT (Complained About Things) by Euwyn Poon

The Unofficial Quake (2) CAT (Complained About Things) – Version 0.99

complainedaboutthings

By Euwyn Poon  updated August 9, 1998

Due to the fact that I am adding so much to this CAT I have decided to go with multiple pages to make room for growth.  Hope you don’t mind!   Click on the title of each section (eg Section 1 – User Side Enhancements) and the section will pop up in a new window!



Section 1 – User Side Enhancements

1.1 – Skins
1.2 – Zbots
1.3 – Cable Modem and T1 connections = LPB

Section 2 – Things that are “permissible” by the game playing regularly

2.1 – Camping
2.2 – BFG Bitchin
2.3 – Rocket Bitchin
2.4 – Quad Whining
2.5 – Lithium whining

Section 3 – General QuakeManship

3.1 – GG
3.2 – Pointless Insensitive Chat Macros
3.3 – CTF Jerks

Section 4 – Pure Idiocy

4.1 – Jealousy
4.2 – LPB Whining about LAG
4.3 – But I’m typing!

Section 5 – Top 10

5.1 – Clan Whines
5.2 – General Whines


General QuakeManship Rules

1. Sore Losers a no no.
2. Whiners a no no.
3. Enjoy the game, whether you win. It’s a game, meant for you to have FUN, not just to win or lose
4. Avoid camping, don’t cheat, etc etc etc. You know the deal
5. In CTF games, play a role. Stay back and defend sometimes. It is not always about points.
6. Have loads of fun, it’s only a game!


Now, if you encounter any whiners, refer them to the Unofficial Quake 2 CAT, here at Quake2000.net. We very much welcome any suggestions for new sections (this is still an early CAT) as well as comments, or opinions. Remember, this CAT is still in a very early stage.  We will be adding way more sections as time passes.  Send them in toeuwyn@quake2000.net

This document is located at http://www.quake2000.net/cat.htm

I would also like to say thanks to all those people below (as well as others) for their extremely helpful comments and inputs.  Without their input the CAT would never have been a reality.

Thanks to – Smokey, CindyLuWho[RIP], Sluggo, fester[VxK], X-Axle, Portax, Pretty Boy, and Scooter[MN] for their inputs.  Get your name here, email a helpful suggestion or comment!

Looking for – Someone to write up a general Top 10 whines in a game, or any other Top 10 list!  Send them in to me!

https://web.archive.org/web/19981202121404/http://www.quake2000.net:80/cat.htm

Section 1 – User Side Enhancements

1.1 Skins

Ok, here’s the deal. Changing to darker or invisible skins is just dumb. Don’t do it. There’s a skin out there which is gray and green. (Which for some reason resembles crap)

1.2 Zbots

Unless you want rockets shooting out of your ass, please respect other players in the game and try to play the game it was meant to be played. Trust me, it is pretty easy to spot someone who has rockets coming out of every part of his body in the game.

1.3 Cable Modem and T1 Connections = LPB

Don’t whine about LPB’s. Although it requires a bit more skill, HPB’s can certainly win too. It’ all skill. If your really want to whine try getting a cable modem yourself. It really isn’t that expensive.  To all those millions still whining.  Of course ping does matter.  But complaining about your LPB opponent or the low ping bastard will not help!  If you are complaining about your connection, flooding the game with DAMN LPB will just slow you down :-)  Well,  don’t compain.  Find a way to improve your ping.  Almost everything someone complains about the high ping he’s getting he’s losing.  It is a over used excuse.  It’s more about skill.  If you are a HPB and rock a bunch of LPB’s, you should be more proud.  One more thing here, I know some of you just can’t afford a cable modem connection or that it is not available in your area, but please don’t take this out on fellow gamers!  Go complain to your internet or whatever provider, not disrupt games with irritating “Damn LPB” messages.

https://web.archive.org/web/19990418001210/http://www.quake2000.net:80/cat1.htm

Section 2 – Things that are “permissible” by the game playing regularly


2.1 Camping

Ok, I am taking a different stance in this one. Anything should be legal in Quaking that id allows in the original gam,e playing regularly, right? I will agree. There is a certain ethical code where one follows and doesn’t camp, but there always are those who do. I don’t get annoyed by them. I find picking of the campers usually are much easier since they only have their fingers on the fire button, and none of the movement ones. And to add to this they will camp in an enclosed position, and so a couple of rockets will do the trick.

2.2 BFG Bitchin

This one is just dumb. You see anyone doing this just give them a good ol spankin. Like why would you complain about the BFG? If you want to complain, shutup, and pick it up and use it yourself. The weapon was put in the game by id, and considering it has a two second fire delay, if you are not too close to it you can easily run and duck behind something.   And the tracers (the little beams that come out of the main BFG blast) don’t do as much damage as one might think.  If you are able to quickly around a corner, you usually can avoid the blast.  Also,  remember that the BFG has a time delay before it actually fires.  It is enough time to pull out your railgun and quickly rail the guy, (as soon as you hear the BFG loading sound) and if you do quickly enough, the guy will be fragged to heck and the BFG will not fire.  Just in case you didn’t know that.

2.3 Rocket Bitchin

I’m not even going to comment on this one. (What’s next, blaster fires to quickly?)

2.4 Quad Whining

The term powerup goes all the way back to Super Mario Bros. and before.  Get a red mushroom and poof, you got a fireball.  Fire one and all those cute little creatures all die.  Same principle here folks.  Get the quad, you get easier kills, simple as that.  You say, “Damn, I hit that guy in the nuts with a rail, but I got fragged by a wimpy <insert weapon>, stupid <insert comment> glowing freak.   Hey! Wait up a second.  That guy is glowing?  Doesn’t that attract more attention?  Hmm, tradeoffs.  More damage, but also more noticeable, and being unique makes a person want to frag you. (same principle as using a Cartman skin, I know it looks nice, but don’t use it)  So you see, there are both sides there.  Go get the quad yourself then, if you still don’t agree.

2.5 Lithium Whining

This is easy to deal with.  Don’t like the hooks and runes, don’t play Lithium, simple as that!

https://web.archive.org/web/19990210171221/http://www.quake2000.net:80/cat2.htm

Section 3 – General QuakeManship


3.1 – GGUpdated

Ahh, the most overused phrase. I’m not saying it’s bad or anything, but please use it only when it is necessary. For example, its a free for all deathmatch game, and you are tied with 29 frags out of a 30 limit with another guy. You just rail a guy, and you win the game. To cheer the other guy up a little, say gg. DON’T say gg if you just whooped someone’s ass 10 to -1. As long as YOU know you are not saying it half sarcastically, it’s alright.  Saying GG is like shaking hands after a good game of any kind

(Thanks to Smokey for the input on this one)

3.2 Pointless Insensitive Chat Macros

You got something really nasty to say?  Your opponent is such a big <insert comment>.  You just got killed by a lame camper.  You are welcome to your comments, which may include a not so nice message.  But please don’t spoil it for everyone else.  After about the 15th time people get the point.  Ok?

3.3 CTF Jerks

Ahh, we have all had our encounters with those.  People playing CTF just for the points.  Camping out at the opponents flag.  I have often seen games where the teams literally switch bases.  The red team occupies the blue base and the red team occupies the red base.  I know, getting a capture might make you feel good, but just like any other team sport you should learn how to stick to a position.  I mean, how often do you see punters demand that they get to throw the football as quarterback?   Another thing.  Make sure you try to keep the teams equal.  Don’t join red if it has already outnumbered blue by 5 men.  Don’t have a favorite color.   Please try to keep the game as fun as possible.  I know that net CTF games cannot be 100%, but try to keep it as fun as possible.

https://web.archive.org/web/19990210182322/http://www.quake2000.net:80/cat3.htm

BluesNews-Behold Levelord in his BOC t-shirt

Section 4 – Pure Idiocy


4.1 – Jealousy

Admit it, you always feel jealous of the guy that wins the match, one time or another.   One you start to do, tell yourself out loud, “This is just a stupid little game.”  Say it a few times over and get practicing.  Don’t want to let other humans get the joy of fraggin you?  Play with a bot, or your little brother.

4.2 – LPB whining about LAG

Ok, so Im guilty of this.  Frag me.  Ever experience a LPB who starts whining about his lag with a 30 ping compared to his opponents 300 ping?  As quoted from X-Axle, “So, LPB, when you get whupped by one of my brothers, don’t complain, give him his props, or at least keep your mouth shut.

4.3 – But I’m Typing!

Usually people who join Quake 2 games join to play game, not to have a nice chit chat.   The IRC is a good place to do that.  When you’re in a Quake 2 game, concentrate on fraggin that guy, not to strike a friendly conversation (or gasp, make an insulting remark!)  To those who whine, “Cheap frag, I was typing you…”   We have an answer.  Written in an amusing script.

bind “SPACE” Question
Alias Question “tapshoulder on;askpolitely on;Say “are you by any chance
typing my good chap?”; recieve input1;alias question q1
Alias q1 IF input1=”yes as a matter of fact I am. run along then that’s
a good chap” ;THEN q2.ELSE q3
Alias q2 use BFG +attack +attack;say “well you had better learn to type
faster in the next life”alias q1 question
Alias q3 use BFG +attack +attack;say “then you won’t mind me shooting at
you then will you”alias  q1question

(“Script” by Pretty Boy)

https://web.archive.org/web/19990218054812/http://www.quake2000.net:80/cat4.htm

Section 5 – Top 10 Lists


5.1 – Clan Whines

10. The match didnt start yet
9. You guys have too many LPBs
8. Self damage was on
7. If there was BFG allowed on the server you wouldnt have won
6. The server admin kicked our best player
5. Self damage was off
4. You guys wouldnt win if you didnt camp
3. My father has to use the computer
2. That lamer that wont go away ruined the match
1.  It musta been lag


Honorable mention: My mouse stuck

 

5.2 – General whines

10. I get too much packet loss
9. Cheap frag
8. You camper!
7. Zbot user
6. LPB    (&)&^$)Q&$Q@($*()@&#$)(&#1!!@
5. <disconnect> (this one deserves special recognition)
4. Gotta go
3. My computer just slowed down to a crawl
2. My mouse got stuck (this one also deserves special recognition)
1.  <disconnect> (very popular)


Honorable mention: My mouse stuck

Thanks to the leader of the Wolf Soldiers for sending in this one.  Send me a nick and Ill post it!

https://web.archive.org/web/19990218065104/http://www.quake2000.net:80/cat5.htm

Bonus: Euwyn Poon’s PlanetQuake POTD:
Screen shot 2018-01-06 at 2.50.07 AM

Gimmie the shotgun you bastard!” “MMmppphh!!” by Euwyn Poon, August 13, 1998

euwynpoon

 

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