Clan FoolArchy: fooLANarchy Parties III, IV and V + Enloopious[FOOL]’s Short Poem to his Cat

Clan FoolArchy: fooLANarchy Parties III, IV and V + Enloopious[FOOL]’s Short Poem to his Cat

The Game


The Rules


fooLANarchy Party III – September 5-7, 1998

Nag, nag, nag, nag! Ok so it took me a REALLY long time to write the review of the Labor Day LAN Party. But here it is. You can frag my ass at the next one.

The party began when the first two arrivals, myself (Xezus Crispy) and Knight21, attempting to avoid seats near the bathroom awakened the hosts, St.James and Dr. Clarke, who had stayed up all night setting up the play pen. Amid tired groans the gaming began shortly after the computers were set up. Other arrivals trickled in, including Tuukkuus, Red Elvis (AKA Junior), Enloopius, Stayfree, and xxSoulxx. Verso was already there; he had spent the night. As for the Silly Hat theme, The Village People dropped by, as well as two jesters, Santa and Cat in the Hat. The sickest hat award goes to Stayfree so named for the collection of female napkins piled on his head. I think they were used. XxSoulxx deserves special recognition. Not only did he have the fastest computer, largest monitor (21 inches I think), his own chair, table and two industrial strength fans, one fan for the room and the other for his computer. He managed to pack it all in his car and come from Orange County to play.

As for food, quite a few bags of chips to choose from and for a balanced diet, Red Vines. The partygoers devoured one of the largest and greasiest pepperoni pizzas that I’ve ever seen. See picture. A teensy vegetarian pizza was available for those who did not have the stomach to eat meat. Lots of beer and soft drinks were consumed as well.

Three Quake 2 maps consumed lots of time.
Killingbox – a big box filled with BFGs. Basically grab a BFG and try to kill everyone else who is trying to kill you with their own BFG.
Glug! – a big box filled with water and a little air pocket. The idea is to kill everyone else and avoid drowning. Most of the guns are at the bottom but it’s a long way to the top.
Fishinabarrel – Guess what another big box except with a twist. The people at the bottom try to kill the guy sniping them from a little space way up high. Cries of “Friends at the Bottom” were ignored in this crowd as everyone killed everyone no matter where they were.

The freshest version of Quake 2 played was Action Quake. Seemed like we played this all night, but it was loads of fun. Action Quake is like playing in an action movie. The only weapons are pistols, knives, grenades, rifles and machine guns. There is no health. Only bandaging halted your slide toward death but you can’t fire while bandaging. In this crowd there is no such thing as sympathy. If you’re on the screen bandaging you’re still a target. To do well at this game you have to master the one shot to the head. But to make it more fun you can always shoot off another person’s limbs. Until you bandage, you limp. An interesting twist was Action Quake in the Killingbox. We set a time limit to force ourselves to stop.

The extremely humorous Choke the Chicken Quake. Also Jail Quake and Capture the Flag Quake. Regular Death Matches didn’t seem so exciting after a game of CTC Quake.

Believe it or not, some games besides Quake 2 were played. Age of Empires, Starcraft, Unreal, and a little Get Medieval. Thankfully Forsaken was not played. While it might be fun, I just suck at it.

The only sour note to the whole experience was the extremely odiferous expulsions from the aptly named TuuKKuus. I guess the grease from the pizza was too much. An unfortunate experience for Stayfree and Verso who were sitting next to him. Don’t sit next to the TuukKuus. Whew! Dehydrated and Quake eyed after nearly twenty intense and fun filled hours of fragging. The time passed so quickly I hardly noticed its passing. I arrived home early Sunday at about four in the morning. The sun was coming up by the time I got home and I required almost a full day of recovery.

Make sure everything works beforehand and that your computer can handle the games we play. Assume someone else is bringing chips and bring some other unhealthy snacks. Be prepared for a whole lot of low ping network fun. Next time we will be playing multiplayer Boggle, Scrabble and Monopoly. Not to mention the ever popular Hearts. No really we will be playing lots of versions of Quake 2 and whatever other good games are out at the time. Maybe some Sin and Halflife. Depends on whether they suk. And lots and lots of Action Quake now that there are a million maps.

LAN parties spoil you. After recently playing Quake online and having a ridiculously high ping (1500+! I only stayed cause I was playing with friends) the extremely fast pace of network play is phantastic. Everyone at the party was a low ping Bastard. See you at the next one. Looks like it will be October 24th, check the Next Party button for details and reserve a spot now.

From the files of Xezus Crispy. Me writer of reviews.

“Hey did you need your head!” I didn’t think so.


fooLANarchy Party IV – October 24-25, 1998

The horror. I will have nightmares for weeks. The images will stick in my mind for the rest of my life. All because I arrived eight minutes early. I’ll never be early again.

Even with the bad directions sixteen people showed up for the October 24th Foolarchy LAN Party. Tuukkuus says blame Yahoo. The festivities also continued on Sunday until about 4:00 in the afternoon. That was the time when the hall passes for attached males ended. And in the breaking new ground category our first female gamer, Mcfeisty, showed up.

Being the third LAN party I’ve attended let me point out that the rule of the party is to have fun. Don’t worry if your equipment is not as great as other people, or if you are not that good. Just have fun running around doing the best you can to blow shit up. Of course this does not exclude screaming at the top of your lungs when you kill someone.

Lots of cookies to eat. Another ginormous pizza consumed by the meat eaters of the group. And I shake my head and cry foul at the mushroom and pineapple pizza for the veg heads. The late night snacks started with nachos. A gigantic pot held enough cheese to make enough nachos for a small country. This was followed by rice and bean burritos. A special thanks to St. James’ sis for ordering da pizza and making da burritos.

Being October naturally the theme for the party was the Silly Mask. Some people did some creative cutting of bags, others suffocated from poorly designed cheap masks. Jack in the Box showed up. The Phantom of the Opera came out of hiding for a bit, but then decided it was probably best to remain hidden. He was replaced by a hooded beast. Four people who worked in the same place showed up wearing Bride of Chucky T-shirts and some clown masks. And taking a break from touring, Gene Simmons made an appearance as well.

At the last LAN party Action Quake was intense. This time around two moments stood out. On Saturday it was an eight on eight Capture the Flag game. I can’t remember what color team I was on, just that we soundly defeated the other team. After the three matches a lot of people were hoarse from all the screaming going on. Sunday’s highlight was a Death Match. It started out small. Just two or three people playing in a map that would have been perfect for two to five players. Then the numbers increased until eight or more of us were in there. It was crazy. Everyone running around jumping like crazy. Bodies blown to bits. Some loose chickens running around, Homer Simpson blowing everyone away. Sheer craziness.

If things don’t die, where’s the fun I ask you?
Action Quake. A Foolarchy LAN party would not be complete without some Action Quake. A variety of new maps to play in, including one where certain people were having trouble with the elevator. And RedElvis had no textures for his maps. The walls were black with small red circles inside. It looked cool that way. Idea for next time textureless quake.
Forsooked in Forsaken. I am an average Quake 2 player. But when I play Forsaken I just flat out suck. I am still trying to figure out why I even played. It was fun trying to kill St. James in Bounty Hunt.
Choke the Chicken. Was there a chicken in here? I thought the point was to stand underneath the elevators and shoot at people even though you could not kill them.
In the Lame Game category the award goes to Need for Speed the third. You can’t kill things, smash things and nobody dies. You just race, no fun to be had here. If only someone had brought the only driving game worth playing, Carmageddon.
Rocket Arena. A great Quake 2 mod. Basically you are loaded up on everything and there are no pick up items to be had. Awesome about sums it up. It is called Rocket Arena for a reason. You figure it out.
Still no Qpong, perhaps next time.

Is it any surpise that xxSoulxx kicked everybody’s ass? Winning the first ever Foolarchy Death Match competition. XxSoulxx is too nice of guy, he shares his knowledge with you, lets you collect weapons and then he annihilates you. The guy has perfect aim. Next time we are going to unbind his walk backward key. And let him host a Quake 2 clinic. Coming in second place, one of the hosts of the party, Dr. Clarke. The rules are simple. If you lose twice you’re a goner. A one on one Death Match, the first person to get ten frags wins. Action takes place in a small Death Match map. People were supposed to wait outside when their game ended, but since there are no computers out there, everyone ignored this rule. This time the action was only regular Quake 2 Death Matches. But next time we will be competing in Action Quake and other mods. Perhaps even other games. Hopefully not Forsaken though.

On Sunday morning going home from the first half of the party I was so exhausted I got on the wrong freeway going home. Which sucked cause I was exhausted from a great day of gaming. I slept five hours then went back for more. A date for the next party is still being discussed. As for the theme, Dr. Clarke wanted the silly codpiece, but everyone vetoed this idea. It’s like I said NEVER ARRIVE EARLY!

From the files of Xezus Crispy.
“Hey if I wanted your opinion I’d give it to you.”

fooLANarchy Party V – December 12-13, 1998

The Fifth Foolarchy LAN Party took place at the American Legion Hall in Eagle Rock on Saturday, the 12th of December. The official start was 10am but people trickled in throughout the day and the party continued till the wee hours of Sunday morning. The hat this time around had to be Xmas related and many a Santa hat were worn. Even by me, a lapsed Jew. But all of that is irrelevant. The only noteworthy item worth mentioning is that no bowling has gone on for the past couple of weeks. Everything (169) else (169) seems (169) insignificant (169) next to that (169). Finally, some smack talk. (169).

The Party began for St. James, Dr. Clarke, Verso and I on Friday night where we began the process of preparing for the party the next day. Setting up tables, chairs, and patch cables. The goal being to make sure that all the tables were laid out according to precise geometric measurements, the same ones used by Egyptians to make their outhouses. And we had to insure the patch cables were also laid out on the table in a symmetrical pattern, rather than being used as outfits for a GWAR cover band.

It was freezing outside but the heat generated by twenty-six computers kept the room nice and warm. Twenty-four people playing with two servers running. An awesome sight to behold that is unless you tripped over the heaps of cables that covered the floor. The wheel of the electricity meter spun continuously through out the party. Pick up line at a LAN Party: My what glorious hubs you have!

For those of us with Quake eyes or taking a break from the gaming action an area was available that had absolutely no computers. Just board games. A game of chess was played and a lengthy game of Chinese Checkers, although since no one moved their pieces out of the way no one won. And many many games of Uno were played.

I didn’t win the Halflife, Mcfeisty did.
I didn’t win the Titanium Mechwarrior, Gado-Gado did.
Nor did I win the Novalogic sampler CD, Killer Eddie did.
As for the two Spinner mirrors donated by that look really cool attached to your monitor, I didn’t win those either. Enloopius and Illusive did. Punks all of you. No I am not bitter. Just my luck at the next party the worst games care package will be given away and of course I will win that. But, the really cool thing about the raffle had to be the spinning contraption used to pick tickets.

A special thanks to the familial clan of St. James for making the nachos, the buffalo wings and the cake. Dominos delivered pizza for us, the crust being soft and doughy. Candy canes were everywhere. Enough to make a kindergarten class spastic for a whole year. I feel sorry for the people who had to take home the gazillion candy canes that were left over. Including the big tub I brought. I think approximately one candy cane was eaten the entire night.

A highlight of any Foolarchy party is the Double Elimination Quake 2 Death Match tournament. A complex algebraic pseudo-scientific equation determines who fights who in the one on one matches. At this party the final battle was between xxSoulxx and Game Traveler. A very exciting and close match that was even recorded for posterity. The winner of the Foolarchy tournament and the Half-Life hat was, drum roll please, xxSoulxx beating Game Traveller ten to nine.

The usual Quake 2 games were played, including Action, Capture the Flag, and an exciting round of Rocket Arena. A little Carmageddon 2, Thief, and Half-Life. Mcfeisty finally found someone to play Starcraft with. And I was severely pummeled, beaten up and maimed by xxSoulxx in plain old Quake. Thankfully, Forsaken was not played.

Some people have way too much free time. One of the more amusing moments at the party was watching the Quake 2 talk show that xxSoulxx had on his computer. The most memorable line from it being “If I could figure out how to sit down I would.” And then watching the replay of this other guest getting railed from every conceivable camera angle was pretty funny too. Okay you had to be there. The Sports action video of a Quake guy doing some Grenade jumps was impressive. Who knew you could do Grenade jumps? I didn’t. Just like I did not know about turbo running. Ho Hum.

All right I may have already mentioned these people but can not thank them enough. for donating two mirrors.
The individuals who donated the games for the raffle.
The St. James clan for cooking food.
The American Legion Hall for lending us their place.
And the extremely large cockroaches for remaining in the walls and not bothering us while we played.

The next party will be in February. Check the Next Party area for details. I hope everyone had a good time even if no Qpong was played. The candy canes were bad enough, but the required food admission fee for the sixth party will probably be those Heart Shaped candies with those dumb sayings on them. It is February after all. Call your dentist now.

From the files of Xezus Crispy.

Submit Your Review



You’ve dared entered the fooLANarchy Profile Page. Here you will find hilarious information on various rogues and freaks that have attended our LAN parties. The horror of it all!!! Are you brave enough to fill out the blanks? Can you handle a gaming mug of your freaky face on the internet? Don’t be scared… just do it!!! Read the profiles, they’re hilarious. You can find out some good things about the opponents you may face. If you’d like to put your information on the Profiles Page, please follow the instructions below and fill out the form properly. Thanks you freak!!!




Dr. Clarke


St. James






enloopiouspoemtocatRed Elvis


Xezus Cripsy





Gado Gado




Killer Eddie
















Dr. Dre










The Next Party


St. James Crossfire Review Page

Welcome to St. James’ Crossfire review page.

 Here you’ll find reviews of just about anything I deem necessary to review. I choose a subject to review, pick a co-host, send them my review, they respond to my review, send it back to me and so on. Please note however, I will always get the last word. 

Dr. Clarke had just got his ICQ working so the following conversation ensues: (I’ve left the date stamps for a time linear effect)
Dr. Clarke 12:08 PM  are you on right now… i’m checking to see if i snuck past the firewall.
Dr. Clarke 12:23 PM  reply to the message!>!>!> i’m testing to see if i can get past the firewall…
  Dr. Clarke 12:31 PM  reply to this damned message damned you!!!!!
  Dr. Clarke 12:49 PM  someone is still not replying to me… trying to get some help here.
  Dr. Clarke 12:52 PM  someone is making me very angry….. i would REALLY like to know if these messages are getting past the firewall… it would be GREAT if someone would reply to them so that I could see if they are coming in through the firewall!!!renk renk
  St. James 1:04 PM  I’ve received your damned messages you f-ing fruit. Note the time you frickin retard:
12:00pm = LUNCH! duh
  Dr. Clarke 1:32 PM  f-u… F-U so badley!!!!
  St. James 1:38 PM  f-u…all this time he could’ve had icq running. but noooooo, he was SCARED to install it..’It won’t work, i’m thcared…’f-u
  Dr. Clarke 1:42 PM F-U you f-ing A… I had to use the Proxy Socket program version that it comes with…
and though it’s a bit slow it seems to work somewhat okay… i have problems get icq people though… i can’t do an email name search.. i need the actuall icq number… 
what’s brads #
  St. James 1:55 PM do you know a **** ******** [name]?
  Dr. Clarke 1:57 PM not that i know of? should i? is he gay? i certainly hope so?!?!?!?
  Dr. Clarke 2:07 PM send me your contact list so that i can have the #’s
  St. James 2:14 PM you cant have my list. it has all these other strange peeps on it.
  Dr. Clarke 2:14 PM sorry sir…. i just wanted to see how that command worked when you send a contact list…
or maybe a partial list.
  St. James 2:15 PM is that snowboarding that you got from GT called Proboarder??
  Dr. Clarke 2:15 PM yep… X-Games ProBoarder.
  St. James 2:16 PM ahhhhhh…
did you need ICQ #;s?
  Dr. Clarke 2:17 PM naw… i just wanted to try that – “send contacts list'”  command… i got brads #
anyways.. so forget it…
i have the itchy urdge to play quake again and play those damned bots!!!!
  St. James 2:18 PM u? I’ve been revamping my entire script here at work. trying to make it modular, if you will. looks as if it’ll work. we see.
  [Note to the Reader: At this time I didn’t know this had already been done. I was
happy to even come up the friggin idea. Remember, the art of originality is concealing your sources]
  Dr. Clarke 2:21 PM huh… what the bloody ‘ell do you mean by modular??? what script? quake script?
some education please… modular is not recognized in my quake dictionary!!!
  Dr. Clarke  2:22 PM did you go to that tribes site?
  St. James 2:24 PM yeah, Q2 script. By modular i mean having a single core script called “JIMaster.cfg” which controls basic functions (movement, firing, weapon change, etc.,) then have the secondary script bind functions for each individual mod (separate bindings in the AUTOEXEC.CFG). It looks like it’ll work in theory. It should automatically switch to whichever server mod is running when I log in…SHOULD. we see 2nite.
  Dr. Clarke 2:27 PM oh…. i do that already with game-launch… i din’t think that was anything special… i load a basic .cfg file for basic game commands. but for action, another smaller .cfg file is added in there for the extra commands and different skins… and same as chaos… it does work… no theory about it… it’s simple with that damned program..
  St. James 2:28 PM and here i thought i was doing something special. oh well. some of us try to use our brains and not let stupid f-ing front-ends handle all the damned work. f-u and your friggin Gay’m Launchit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  Dr. Clarke 2:30 PM hmm… a little problem there.. i think it is more like, i can already figure out how to write a .cfg file from scratch on f-ing notebook. my brain does work, so don’t confuse me with YOUR FRIEND [name omitted due to possible incrimination] and i enjoy a front end program, because it simplifies the process  that i already know!!!!!
  St. James 2:35 PM wrong f-ing answer! a front-end distances the user from the code. I.E. FrontPage. It separates power users from neophytic conformists of whom can do a rocket jump so they bind a key the of which the so-called front end has a pre-made script for. sure you can modify the out put from the front-end but then you have to deal with the programmers view of how HE thinks the script should be written. and HIS opinion does NOT fit mine. 
  St. James 2:36 PM there, I create my own scripts because I know I need (not what the programmer thinks I need) and I am not surprised to find hidden codes lingering within my script. so there. f-u.thanks.
  St. James  2:44 PM anymore questions?
  Dr. Clarke 2:44 PM  sorry…. I rocket jump by pressing the fire button and the jump button simultaneously!!! I do not have them binded. You are F-ing wrong.. a front end does not distance the user from the code. Example. I learned HTML by free-basing it on a word processor. now that i now the code very well, it is time effecient for me to use a ‘wizard’ html program that would be analogous to a front end program.
  St. James 2:47 PM so a person who learned on a front-end can customize a web-page just as well as a person who has learned to code manually?
wrong answer again, pal. think before you reply to me. i can’t deal with stupidity.
  St. James 2:49 PM remember, a front-end is confined to the limitation of its coding. manual coding’s limit is to the users’ know. you should know this better than i.
  St. James 2:49 PM anymore questions?
  Dr. Clarke 2:49 PM if YOU’D actually READ instead of jumping to forgone conclusions, you see that I said that I did indeed learn the code. Hence, once I mastered the code, I found it easier for me to use a front end program to put strips of automated code onto the source and modify the few things that need be modified! Hence, to me, it sounds like you do not have full control over your scripting capabilities, so maybe you, should go back to school… 
  St. James 2:50 PM ooh..looks like i hit nerve there…u taking all this a little personally?
  Dr. Clarke 2:51 PM correct. but a good front-end program has many automated tasks, combined with the ability to get very detailed and manipulate the source code in it’s raw form! obviously, i use a much more highly rated product than your fly by night ‘visual’ front end program.
  St. James 2:51 PM so you agree? good.
  Dr. Clarke 2:51 PM oh ya… real personal… how much try to comeup with real big philisophical words.
  Dr. Clarke 2:52 PM i agree that your statement, be it some what valid, is not all together true in it’s base form.
  St. James 2:55 PM and the truth shall set you free.1-0. I win.
  Dr. Clarke 2:56 PM what?!?!?!?!? the truth shall set you free… what kinda crap is that??? what the  hell are you replying to?




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