The Squirrel and the Lava King

The Squirrel and the Lava King

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a squirrel named Masta (Don’t ask me why they named him that. Do you want to hear the story or not??). Masta was up hunting in the mountains for the SSC, a group of Nazi squirrels that had insulted his village of Abacuswave. The village had been at war with the SSC for quite a while, but they finally defeated them, and drove the survivors into the mountains. Masta hated them so much he wanted to finish them off himself.

With him was his pet flag, Eggrolls (A flag is a cross between a rabbit and a dog in case you were wondering. :P) Well, this day his journey had taken him up to the lava pool. Now Masta was a little afraid of this place. He remembered the stories that the town elder, SGI, used to tell him. He said that there was a creature that lived in the lava pool called The Lava King. SGI used to tell him a story every time Masta had been bad. He would say that the Lava King would come down and take the bad little boys and girls away to his horrible dungeon. Now, Masta never really believed this, but he was still a little bit hesitant to come here. But this was one of the few places in the mountain that he had yet to search. As Masta was walking along the edge of the lava, he began to hear a strange bubbling sound. He froze in fear. As he slowly turned around, he saw the most amazing sight: there, in the middle of the lava, a crown had started to emerge. It was a golden crown embedded with several rubies. As the crown slowly rose out of the lava . . .

Masta suddenly realized that the crown was actually atop the head of a creature!! It had strange, pink skin, and some kind of glass over his left eye. “This must be the Lava King!!” he thought to himself. All Masta could do was sit there in amazement and stare. Eggrolls just barked at the strange creature, and once the upper half of the creature’s body had risen from the lava, his eyes focused on the little flag.

“You have disturbed the peace of my home. You must be punished!”

Before Masta could do anything, the Lava King grabbed Eggroll, and took off towards a cave on the other side of the lava.

“Hey!! That’s my flag!!! My flag, bitch!!!” Masta screamed, but to no avail. The Lava King was gone, and so was his precious flag. Masta didn’t know what to do. He knew that there was no way he could face this creature, but he also knew that he just had to get his pet back. This is, if he was still alive. For all he knew, Eggroll could of been the Lava King’s dinner, in which case he must pay. Still stunned from everything that had just happened, Masta ran all the way back to town.

The town of Abacuswave was a small town, but it was a town of warriors. A group of squirrels had banded together to battle the injustice of the world. As Masta makes his way back to town, he decided he would first visit the town elder. “SGI will know what to do!!” he said to himself, and soon he was knocking on SGI’s door.
“Why hello, Masta!! It is certainly good to see you today. You’re just in time to join Dynodeath and myself in having a few drinks. Perhaps you can join us. Almost out of breath, Masta attempted to tell SGI of what he had just witnessed up by the lava pool.

“The Lava King is real?!?!” shouted SGI as he almost dropped the beer he was drinking.

“Yes, and he has my pet!!

I’ve come to you to ask your advice on what I should do,” Masta said, but he slowly started to realize that SGI had already had a few drinks and might not be much help.

“Why, Masta, you should go and slay that beast. You would be the hero of the town when you returned with it’s head,” SGI exclaimed drunkenly.

“But he is so big!! There is no way I could take him on my own!!” shouted the young squirrel.

“Then, Masta, you should find some help from the village. There are many great warriors here, and I’m sure a few of them will help you. We would help you, but I’m afraid Dyno and I have had a few too many drinks to be of much help. Unfortunately, I believe Uganda, Clean, Power Ranger, Mr. Bill, Mr. Assman, and Valsavis are all away, but I think everyone else is here. Might I suggest you ask Study Boy first??” So with that, Masta bid SGI farewell, and made his way towards Study’s house.


Study was the greatest warrior in all the land, but he had recently taken up a lot of his time reading books and studying on different fighting techniques.

“Hello, Masta. It’s certainly a surprise to see you here today. I thought you were up in the mountains hunting,” greeted Study. Masta quickly told him the story and that he was looking for help.

“Hmmmmm…well, I’m sorry, Masta, but you know I won’t go fight up in the mountain. I can’t get my weapons configured to work right up there. I wouldn’t be of any help.” Masta knew this would be the response he would get. Study always said that, but Masta never really understood it. “I use the same weapons no matter where I fight, why can’t he??” he thought. So, he bade Study farewell, and made his way to the next house, the house of Riot.

On his way, he noticed Graveytrain and Zube busy working on the town. This was their land that the town was built on, and they were apparently working pretty hard on something. He decided that he wouldn’t bother them since they were so busy. Riot was standing outside his home polishing his rocket launcher. Masta quickly told him the story, and Riot just looked at him.

“That is so stupid!! You wuss!!! You suck!! Get out!!!”

Masta thought, “Well, that went well. I should of known better than that.” and he continued on his way.

His next stop is the house of Athena. Athena was fairly new to the town, but she had traveled with Masta on many of his journeys and they had become good friends.

“I’m sorry, Masta, but my brother is using my weapons today,” she sayidwith a frown, and once again Masta was on his way. Next stop was Slapdemhos’s house. Masta knocked on his door, and from inside he heard,

“Come in!!” He walked inside, and saw Slap hanging from the ceiling with his grapple hook.

“I am grappleman!!!” he kept yelling over and over, and Masta bolted out the house. Next, he came to the house of Jet Li. Masta didn’t even try this house, because he knew that no one had heard from Jet in a long time; no point in even trying. As he passes Jet’s house, he hears a scream from the house next door. It was Broman’s house, and he quickly rushed over and opened the door. He saw Broman just sitting on the ground with a blank look on his face.

“What’s wrong??” Masta asked. “My weapons exploded!! I was trying to patch them up and make them better, and they just blew up!!!” Masta realized that he wasn’t gonna be much help either, made sure Broman was okay, and set off once again.

“I’m startin to run out of options,” thought Masta. “I’ve only got one house left in the village, the house of Darkside, the newest member of the town.” Once at Dark’s house, he quickly told him the story.

“Hmmmmm…well, I’m sorry, Masta, but you know I won’t go fight up in the mountain. I can’t get my weapons configured to work right up there. I wouldn’t be of any help.” said Dark.

“ARRRRGGGGG!!! DEJA VU!!!!” screamed Masta, and he stormed away from the house. “That was too weird.” he thought, “but now what am I going to do?? No one in the town will help me…. Wait! there are still two people I haven’t tried! Vixen and Bunnykiller!!”

Masta had been good friends with these two ex-citizens of the town. Vixen had been Masta’s best friend, but she was banished from the town (much to Masta’s dismay). He had left the town for a while after this, but he soon returned when he just couldn’t stand to be away. Bunny had left around the same time, and had become a hermit in the woods. He rarely spoke to anyone anymore, and had ignored Masta when he attempted to contact him. He felt they were worth a shot though, and he went on his way.

First, he tried Vix’s.

“Masta!!” yells Vix as she ran up to him and gave him a hug. “How are you doing?? I haven’t seen you in a while!! Unfortunately, you’ve come at a bad time. I’m busy trying to build myself a new house, and I don’t have time to talk right now. Perhaps you could stay and help me.”

Masta told her his story and that he couldn’t stay. He promised to return and help her though once he had finished his quest. He gave her a hug, and made his way into the forest.

Bunny had isolated himself deep in the forest away from everyone else, and Masta had even heard rumors that he was going by another name now. He eventually found the house, and knocked on the door, but there was no answer.


“Bah!! Screw this!! I’ll take that bastard on by myself!!! He can’t fuck with me!! I’m the Masta!!!” So once again, Masta traveled back up the mountain.


At the lava pool to confront the foul creature, Masta screamed “Come out, you bastard!!!” I want my flag back!!!” And with that, once again the Lava King started to rise out of the lava.

“Who dares disrupt the serenity of my home!! Who wishes to cross the Lava King?!?”

“I do, you big pink piece of shit!! I want my pet flag back!!”


“Ahhhh…yes. I remember you. You were here with that noisy little pest earlier. I took good care of him. Flags are very tasty. Taste a lot like chicken,” said the creature with an evil grin on his face. Masta just stood there staring the beast straight in his eyes. He quickly snapped his rocket launcher off of his back, and fired off a few right at the Lava King’s head. But to Masta’s dismay, the rockets exploded before they reached their intended target.

“Hahahahahaha!! The heat from my body destroys your puny weapons before they can even reach me!!! But I must say, I admire your spunk, little boy. I’ll tell you what. I did not eat your pet, flags give me heartburn, so I will return your pet to you. All you have to do is come to my home and retrieve him.”

Now, Masta was pretty gullible. He always tried to see the good in everyone, so he believed the Lava King and followed him to his home. Once inside, he realized his mistake. Lining the wall of the cave were hundreds of cages, all field with squirrels that had been captured by the Lava King. Masta spun around and ran for the opening, but it was too late. There stood the Lave King laughing at him.

“Hahahhaha…Now you are my prisoner, and soon you shall be my dinner!! I can’t believe that you were so stupid as to follow me here!!!”

“Well, that was real smart.” thought Masta. “That’s just like my dumb ass. I am so stupid sometimes…” But, from outside, Masta heard a strange sound. It was a noise that he has heard only once before, but it brought a glimmer of hope to him.

“It’s the Dopefish!!!” yelled Masta.

The Dopefish was a mystical creature who helped out the squirrels whenever they were in trouble, and this time he had come to save them from the evil Lava King. Well, the Lava King knew he was no match for the Dopefish, so he took off running, but he wasn’t fast enough. The Dopefish pounced on him, and beat him to a bloody pulp in just a few seconds. Masta was awed at the sight, and started cheering, “Woo HOooO!!! Kick his sorry ass!!!” After the Dopefish finished off the beast, he made his way over to Masta.

“You are free now little squirrel. I want to thank you for your help.”

“My help??” asked Masta. “Yes, I saw you traveling in the mountain, and I followed you. I wanted some proof of the Lava King’s doings before I confronted him. And for your help, I will grant you a wish. Just look inside my mouth, and make your wish. Then it will come true.”

“Wow!!” thought Masta, “This is great!!”

The Dopefish opened his mouth, and Masta looked inside.

“I wish to be happy,” exclaimed Masta. “I’m tired of being depressed all the time, and I just want to be hap–”

But with that, the Dopefish slammed his mouth shut, and swallowed Masta whole.

“Hahahahahah…stupid squirrel…”

By ]LK[.Ma$taKilla

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