alt.games.quake2: Twas the night before Christmas
Author: Rectus Bardus
Have a Merry Christmas everybody!!
And my present to y’all
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse
The keyboard was placed on the table with care
With my monitor and computer; my printer over there.
I cranked up my Gamespy, selected a site
Ready to frag my friends throughout the night
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a kite
Opened the glass, and threw on the light.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave a luster of mid-day to objects below
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver so lively and quick
I knew in a moment, it must be Saint Nick
More rapid than eagles his courses they came
As he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
Now, Pop! SuperTech! Oster! Roboray!
On, MadBomma, Anhedonic, Darth and Lee J.
To the top of porch, to the top of the wall
Now frag away, frag away, frag away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
So up to the housetop the courses they flew,
With a sleigh full of RAM, and St. Nicolas, too!
And, then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He wasnt dressed at all, from his head to his shin
It was then that I knew he had Captain Nekkids skin.
A bundle of upgrades he had flung on his back
And he looked like some pervert with a large ugly sack
His eyes, they were hollow! His face was so hairy
He smelled like the dump, an laughed like Jim Carry
His thin little mouth was stretch across his beard
And with rail gun in hand, he looked mighty weird
He wore pointed shoes, just like an old elf
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself
With a turn of his head, and a blue stream in the sky
Soon gave me to know Id better duck or die.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work.
And replace my Voodoo with VGA, the little jerk.
And taunting us all, middle finger up high
He gave a salute, and vanished to the sky
He sprang to his sled, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, the cheap little donk
Happy Christmas to All, and to All a good SPLONK!
Clement C. Moore
As paraphrased by m.parker smith
(to reply via Email, awaken my sleeping address)