This is some funny shiznit I found on someone’s blog (posted December 2005).  Apparently someone who had heartburn from too many taters owned $lasher, “the Jordan of Q2CTF”

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At home afterwords the mashed potatos I’d eaten pulled with strong gravity my stomach down to bed and I napped until 1 AM.  Layed in bed considering sleeping through the night versus playing quake 2.  The bathroom visit my bladder demanded left me with no choice, so I entered the Last Resort, pretty much the best & only place left for the dwindling community of quake 2 capture the flag players.

Both SLY and $lasher were playing, two of the best.  Although when I came onto the server $lasher was in the middle of telling SLY that he wasn’t ever going to be an exceptional player,  (Q2CTF has been around for two thirds of a decade at this point?) at best a player who does well on public servers.  A player like n1ght3mar3wa1k3r or alpha.  Personally I don’t agree or disagree because while technically I’ve been playing q2ctf most of my life I no longer play 8 hours a day.

Matter of fact, I never play with sound, which means that I don’t time the quad-damage (which respawns every minute) and can’t hear people sneaking up on me or shooting at me.  This can be a problem.  But I don’t like the quake 2 sounds and my ears are very sensitive.  So I listen to hip hop or tortoise and have adapted a style of play heavy on the grappling hook; I’m not going to be where most people are going to be.

So while I have respect for SLY I didn’t stick up for him.  Instead, because $lasher was in such an analytical mood (SLY had never requested the appraisal), I asked the $oothsayer to deliberate on the question of the next jordan.  (My grandma and I had just watched Jordan on Oprah earlier in the week and so the question lingered on my mind.)  Also because $lasher may be the Jordan of quake 2 capture-the-flag.  I asked, “$oothsayer, is lebron james the next jordan??”

$lasher replied, “Yes.”

In the next railgun-only overtime round I watched Hellbringer (Red) kill Cindy Loo Who (Blue) and then tried to grapple away.  I shot him once and he died flying up through the air from both the railgun shot and the grapple hook.  Snuck around Red Base and followed $lasher as he grappled towards the middle ground to confront my teammates.  As he strafed a wall I shot him and then backed off and he followed.  In a firefight we ran down a set of stairs sideways facing each other.  I railed him again but he missed me.  $lasher then attempted to descend further stairs into Red Base but I grappled high into the air and shot down diagonally as he shot up hitting me & I felled the Jordan of q2ctf.

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Follow-up — from another post from the same blog (looking at the ACME CTF statistics from August, 2005):

Those statistics can be found here. My name is Reefer and my ranking is #1932. I have four hundred and fifty flag captures in the month of August, less than Meat Flag and MightySanta, and many many less than Cindy Loo Who and shOOtMeIsucK, ranked at #149 and #33 respectively. Working 2 jobs and maintaining both as 3rdarm.biz on the internet & in the real world as a street attorney, I guess I just don’t have as much time to invest in Quake 2 capture-the-flag.  Or? I didn’t have enough time to invest in October! That’s right, I am going to say it right here on 3rdarm.biz. I will be ranked within the Top Ten in North America for November, and I’m not talking about #1 in Creative Grappling. I am talking about in the Top Ten for the North American overall Q2CTF statistics baby, yeah! And I absolutely do deserve the #1 ranking in North American for lunch service, amen.