"If I concentrate really hard, then at the back of my peripheral vision I can just about make out the swish of a ponytail as Todd Hollenshead, CEO of id Software, shakes his head in dismay. 'No, your other right. Over there. The red armour,' he sighs, as I nervously jab the WASD of Quake 4 deathmatch, walking into walls, falling off ledges, and getting hurled into walls through faulty jump-pad use. I've been marked out as a player of remedial standards and Hollenshead is doing his utmost to make me less of a loser. It's horrible, and hard as I push myself I just can't concentrate. It's truly the stuff of nightmares. I'm playing Quake in front of the men from id — and the men from id think that I'm a noob. Freud would have a field day."